April is here and it is time to begin the annual process of spring-cleaning. It is the time of year when we open our windows to the warm fragrant breeze, point our tired faces towards the sun, and clean our homes. As I write this article, I faithfully remind myself of the need to pack away my winter clothes and move my summer clothes to the front of my closet. I approach this task with about as much enthusiasm as filing my taxes. However once the job is complete, I feel somehow lighter, liberated, and more energized.

Spring represents the beginning of a new year. As I write this on my back porch, I am looking out over the marsh. The egrets have returned from their winter hiatus, the trees are green and lush, and the flowers are blooming. I do love this time of the year.

As we begin to open our windows and clean house, it is also an opportune time to begin some personal housekeeping. Many people find themselves feeling lethargic during the winter months and leaning towards procrastination. For me, this is evident by the winter weight I put on every year. Also, during those cold and gray months, we often put our personal growth on hold. Every year at about this time, I find myself gearing up to shed the winter weight and resume my exercise routine with reckless abandon. The first few days are always tough, but as the momentum builds and the extra pounds begin to melt away, my energy level increases and I feel much better physically and spiritually.

Today is the first day of April and I find myself contemplating the following questions:

o What can I do or stop doing that could improve my relationship?

o What can I do to refresh my mind so I think in a more positive perspective?

o Are there any fears I have that are blocking me and/or my relationship?

The first question resonates most powerfully with me. Although I listen very intently to my clients, in my own personal relationship, I believe I can do a much better job of being less reactive and listening to my partner at a deeper level. This means allowing her the time, space, and respect, to deliver her message in the manner she needs to deliver it even if it is not the best way for me. I know this is true because she told me so earlier this morning.

The best barometer through which to measure our relationship housekeeping needs is by listening to what our partner says. They are the holder of our mirror because they relate to us on a more intimate level than anyone else, and we must respect them for the very difficult job they have. Try not to perceive your partner’s thoughts and feelings from a negative perspective. Rather, try to listen more deeply, and hear your partner’s message as an invitation to look inside yourself and begin to own your own process of growth and change. The best indicator of the areas where you need to grow is your level of defensiveness and reactivity. The stronger the negative reaction, the greater the need is for change.

Consider which of the above questions resonate most powerfully with you. Has your partner recently sent a message or made a request that you failed to hear, honor, and fulfill, due to your own defensiveness and reactivity? What can you do to help yourself and your relationship? What fears, issues, thoughts, and behaviors can you identify as areas for personal growth and change, in order to be the best partner you can possibly be?.

Spring is in the air. Spring is about change and change is about growth. I challenge you to begin your own spring-cleaning. Now is the perfect time of year to be honest and open with yourself, and inject some fresh, positive energy into your relationships. I am fully committed to following through. Are you?